Amicable divorce– financial settlement focus.

Whether you have been married for 1 year or 30 years it is inevitable that your lives are entwined. This does not necessarily stop when you separate. You are likely to have the same friends. You may even want to remain in touch with the other’s family- or some of them. Furthermore, you are likely to visit similar places. You will probably bump into each other at some point. Moreover, if you have children, you will need to maintain a relationship. So, is an amicable divorce really possible? Yes. You do not need to be friends but remaining civil will make your lives easier.

Amicable divorce.

In my opinion, an amicable approach is the only way you should approach a divorce.

I feel passionate about achieving the best outcome that is right for my clients and their family and avoiding Court proceedings where possible. For this reason, I am even more passionate about approaching divorce in a conciliatory and amicable way. Even if your spouse chooses not to. Why? Because approaching divorce in this way means you can get a better outcome. It also often saves you time, money, and stress.

Surely an amicable divorce means I compromise the outcome.

No. It does not have to. A conciliatory and amicable approach takes away the hostility and acrimony. Instead, you focus your energy on what you want to achieve. It means your communications are focused. It can also mean you have more meaningful negotiations.

That said, a marriage is all about compromise. It at times involves doing something for the other person even if you do not necessarily want to. Divorce is no different. When it comes to a divorce, specifically finances on divorce, the Court’s main aim is to achieve fairness. As a result, every divorce financial settlement has an element of compromise. That is a fair outcome usually means both parties must compromise on something. This remains whether you divorce amicably or not.

An amicable approach to divorce allows you to find compromises you are comfortable with. You still pursue what you want it just means you approach negotiations differently. A more measured approach achieves your goals but often without the high emotional and financial burden and often much quicker.

Can a Solicitor help achieve an amicable divorce?

Yes. Most family law solicitors are members of Resolution. Members of Resolution are geared towards helping clients approach their separation in a conciliatory and non-confrontational way. This means they should act as a filter to help guide and focus the process based on what is right for your family.

However, like every person is different so is every solicitor. Likewise, this means each solicitor’s approach can vary. It is therefore important you find the right solicitor for you. If you want an amicable divorce this is even more important.

How do I choose the right Family Law Solicitor?

There are several things you should consider:

Personal recommendations.

Firstly, if you know someone who has been through a divorce, can they recommend a solicitor? If so, ask them about their solicitor’s approach. Also, ask them if their solicitor gave honest and realistic advice as to the possible outcome at the start. As well as whether the solicitor presented the options available to them. This should give you some initial insight as to whether their solicitor may be right for you.

Solicitor’s memberships, specialisms, and accreditations.

Secondly, you should consider the solicitor’s memberships, specialisms, and accreditations. Such as:

1. How long has the solicitor specialised in family law? Do they have a particular specialism, for example, in financial settlements?
2. Are they a member of Resolution?
3. Are they a Resolution Accredited Specialist? This means they have been assessed to be an expert in family law. It also means their work in their chosen specialism has been tested to meet the Resolution Code of Practice. If not, are they accredited in another way?

Speak to the Solicitor. Then, book a meeting.

Thirdly, once you have done your research you should speak to the solicitor. At first, most firms offer you an initial chat with the solicitor direct. This is typically offered not to give advice in the first instance but to allow you the chance to see if the solicitor is suited to you.

Lastly, book a meeting. Again, most firms offer a fixed fee no-obligation initial appointment. This allows you to see if the solicitor is right for you. You should ask the solicitor about their approach. Then, you should also ask the solicitor about how many of their cases settle by agreement and without the need for Court proceedings.

This first appointment sets the tone as to how your matter will be handled. It is important that you feel listened to; that you are comfortable with your solicitor and are comfortable with the approach that will be taken.

Importantly, if the solicitor is not the right fit, you do not need to proceed. You will be investing time and money and finding the right solicitor is important. More so if you are looking for an amicable divorce. The right solicitor can make all the difference to the approach and outcome of your divorce.

What are the top tips for an amicable divorce?

1. Firstly, take early legal advice. If possible, this should be before any meaningful discussions take place with your spouse. This will help ensure you understand your legal rights. It will also help you focus on the most important issues. You can then negotiate using this knowledge.

2. Work out what you want and need. Most importantly, work out your priorities. This will help you focus your negotiations.

3. Look at the bigger picture. Do you need to discuss X, Y and Z. Does it help you achieve your desired outcome? Will it help you feel better in the long term? If not, it probably does not need to be said.

4. Treat each other with respect. Remaining civil has vast benefits. Particularly if children are involved.

5. Consider the other’s point of view. If you know saying or doing something will create a reaction can you address it differently? As spouses, you probably know the others triggers well so you should try to avoid these.

6. Keep your emotions in check. This is much easier said than done. From the Court’s perspective, emotions do not come into a financial settlement. It is therefore important to remain objective. This does not mean you ignore your emotions altogether. A good solicitor will help you filter your emotions to achieve your desired outcome.

7. Try to write things down or set times to have discussions with your spouse if you are discussing matters directly. This allows you to give a more measured and focused response. It also avoids shotgun reactions.

8. Above all, if you have children, think of your children. Children pick up a lot more than we realise. Think about how your words and actions generally may affect your children.

Why should I choose an amicable divorce?

As someone whose parents divorced when I was a child, I have seen the effect an acrimonious separation can have in the short and long term. Not only on families but also the individuals. It does not benefit anyone. But it does not have to be that way. There is a better way. That is why I feel passionate about an amicable divorce. That is why I keep it amicable. In addition, an amicable divorce can achieve a better outcome that is right for you.

A divorce is not just about the outcome. The journey of a divorce can be just as important. A divorce is one of the biggest milestones in someone’s life. An amicable divorce will save you stress, time and money. But most importantly, when you look back, you will want to be comfortable with each step taken. The experience of your divorce will stay with you. So why not be kind to yourself? In a divorce, you may regret many things, but you will never regret being kind.

Get in touch with our Family Law & Divorce Solicitor to discuss divorcing amicably.

Please contact Gemma Keats on 07874349555 or by email to see how she can best support you.